are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
