its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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