rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
