She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
