there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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