I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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