You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
