I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
