My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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