I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im holly from the hills drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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