I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
