im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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