I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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