forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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