oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
