her vagine was all disorganized.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
