We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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