What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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