Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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