Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
