i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
