i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
