True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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