just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
