I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
