Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
