M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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