P.S. I can't hear my feet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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