don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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