theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
