New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
