K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
