Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
