Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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