I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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