True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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