You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
