I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
