dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
