Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
