..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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