i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
