whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
