You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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