If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well you can't waste a boner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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