never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
