i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
