I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I want a musical about memes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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