New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
