I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
