His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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