His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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