Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
