checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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