Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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