glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
