The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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