You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
