Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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