I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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