I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
