just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
