Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
