I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
