My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.