Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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