I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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