Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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