please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
two words: eviction party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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