Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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