but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
