Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
