she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
