His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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