I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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