i don't like sucking hair
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i used baking grease as lip gloss
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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