I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
