Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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