Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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